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lols so I haven't updated for 2 weeks-.- I actually wanted to now and then but I just didn't have the time. life just sucks now. it's a whole crap of a hectic mess. technically, I'm pissed with a whole lot of things at the moment. but I'm holding back. though I get the feeling it's gonna come out some day. I'm just hoping now I can at least hold it back till after o's. at least then it doesn't really matter how much I ruin the relationships I've builded anymore. haha. of course, it's not counting those long-term ones. I'll always love those who have been with me since pri sch :) until I die. somehow, now, I think I took a wrong turn somewhere. perhaps I should have followed the other path, and suffer less now. heh. it's like I'm venting all my frustration at the moment. although I feel so mixed up right now. It's like I've lost my goal in life. I don't feel like doing anything anymore. I want to give up, so badly. I want to tell MOE I really don't care what's gonna happen from now on. you can give me 54 for my o's and I won't give a shit. I won't collapse at all, even if that's really the end result. I'm just worried for those who might take it harder than me. I don't want to pull others down when I'm ruining my own life.
so much for motivation. the only motivation I'm getting is that if I don't do well, people around me are gonna start blaming themselves for it, like my parents, teachers and best friends. I know we promised to work hard together, but my vision is starting to blur already. I know we promised to grow up and start a business together, but I'm scared of pulling you guys down with me. it's like I'm lost at the moment, still finding my way. I'm just hoping now that something will happen, to point me in the right direction. although, I'm already starting to give up. I'm wishing I could start over, somewhere else. I'm wishing I never step foot into my current school. life is just hell. maybe going to st nicks might have been a better decision. only God knows. but maybe I could have fitted in better there. I probably would have been able to concentrate on my school work better? maybe I would be more accepted given my current personality? I admit I've changed. but it's thanks to some people I've met in my current school that I've turned out like this. thanks a hell lot. and even though I've never pointedly mentioned who these people are, they should know themselves. yet sadly, there are also people who might probably never know unless I say it straight to their faces. and lastly, even the people close to me in my current school could be any one of these people. though I'm not gonna be mentioning names now. but the people I really hate are those who think they are right when they are not, and still insist so. and even though they turned me into something they hate, they still don't realise that it's thanks to them. haha. such a nice joke :)
I'm just really sorry now for those innocent people who have been affected by my mood, so I apologise. it may not be you though.